Most Shared

Culture

A general state of confusion from a poolside conversation in February

By Jane HaglFebruary 23, 2017

splashing water
splashing water

A cool breeze breaks the heat of the sun.  The long island tea helps, too. In between a semi-productive stream of thought, I chat with fellow Texan, who is also sweating outside. If I wasn't poolside and if wasn’t, in fact, February, it would almost feel like a vacation. Almost.

J: It’s hot outside. 

L: I know. It's crazy.

J: It’s going to be 86 today and the sun legitimately feels two percent closer to the earth. Summer is going to feel like Hades.

L: And global warming isn't a thing.

J: I’m going to start looking for tickets for the Artic. Summering in the Arctic sounds far pleasanter than broiling in Texas.

L: What the hell. It was literally 40 degrees a couple nights ago.

J: It’s why every season is allergy season. Do you think the Artic or the Antarctic?

L: True. I've been living here all my life and I will never be used to the weather. Antarctic is where the polar bears are and the penguins. Don’t forget the penguins.

J: You don’t like being slow cooked? It’s like being barbecued for five straight months. It’s the most Texas thing ever. It’s only $1200 to fly to the Antarctic, but then I’d have to fly to Sydney first. And there are only flights during the winter.

L: Lol. How much is it to the Artic?

J: It’s a flight to Alaska and then I’d book a tour with some company.  I have a tan from sitting outside for 30 minutes.

L: You don’t tan.

J: Well, I’ve gone from a cappuccino to a mocha.

L: Well, I’ve gone from alabaster to a red.

J: Yikes. It’s February. I want a sweater, a hot cup of tea, and dramatic weather reports about fat snow flurries. Does your sunburn turn into a tan at some point? Cause that’s quite unfortunate.

L: I mean, my feet are still tanned around my flats from last summer.

J:  You really haven’t adjusted to the weather.

L: Definitely.

J: On a positive note, people don’t even need tanning oil. There’s sweat.

L: It’s supposed to be 40 degrees tomorrow. Maybe you shouldn’t complain so much.

J: I don’t think my general state of confusion has anything to do with the weather patterns. I mean, if it did, I would feel like the great and powerful Wizard of Oz. And I don’t feel like the Wizard of Oz so I must not be the Wizard of Oz.  

L: Have you finished your tea?

J: Maybe. Maybe it’s the sun.

L: *eye roll*